Well, maybe the only time I write on here is to rant. Maybe I don’t like ranting to people in real life, so I just do it on here. Sorry if you get a negative image of me or what I’m doing from it, but it’s only one outlet…
Had a pretty awful lesson today, having had a really positive one with year 12 yesterday. No one kid misbehaved a lot, just none of them really paid attention, and there was a general feeling of chat in the room. Ended up raising my voice lots and not really being heard. Very tiring when it’s like that. Probably didn’t help that I was tired to start with!
I realised today how hard teaching is, how it’s a long slog and not something you pick up quickly. I realised that I may not be a natural at it. I realised that it can be both physically and emotionally draining. I realised 7 weeks is a long time to be getting up early 5 days a week, especially when I’m away on the weekends quite a bit. I realised that it’s going to take more work to do this properly than I have been doing and that means ceasing to do some stuff that I really want to do in place of getting on with teaching. I realised today that I might not be cut out for it.
But of course, let’s regain perspective. This is just one day. This is just one year. Things change, people grow, I learn, the world moves on. So don’t worry, I’m not about to quit, but today was the first time I had even entertained the thought. Maybe that’s good, maybe that’s not. Who knows? I’m sure every teacher has been at this point sometime.
So that’s that.
Oh and to top it all – today 2 of my 3 computers died and I can’t seem to fix them. Joy-o-joy. So that annoyed me.
On a lightner note, I’m getting my laptop back tomorrow, which is good fiddling material as well as work material. Also I’ve been looking at sharing a server thingy with some people I know, so that I can run various things on it that I can’t really run on my existing account. The only issue being that I have just signed up for another year on that one. I’ll see what I can do. Also, entertaining the thought of spending my whole student loan cheque on a brand spanking new top-of-the-range computer made me smile… ahh, one day perhaps. I’m sure my parent’s don’t need the money I owe them… (Hi mum x)